I am in a vortex of obligation.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
NoShamevember. You game?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
