I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
