I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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