This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
