I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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