did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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