We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
