One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
