we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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