I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
