i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
