Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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