I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
