There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
