he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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