Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
