Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
