just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
