I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Randomize
