If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
