i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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