can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
