well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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