There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
3 2 1 whiskey
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
