Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
