1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
