Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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