fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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