Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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