Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
