oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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