All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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