Having a random hookup so left but love u
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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