I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
