Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
