Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
