but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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