Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
