My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
