the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
