So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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