he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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