dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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