Quick, to the slutcave!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
