If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
