My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
pop tarts are not kleenex
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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