So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
