You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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