just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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