come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
