Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
