i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
