you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
