There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
