If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
