My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
